ADVENTURE TIME with Kat the Cat and Tess the Human
by Alexandra Scheltov
Summary: This is yet another typical adventure in the Land of Ooo, or so it seems. Trials of friendship and love shall challenge our adventures along the way. The question that looms is whether our heroes can remain true to themselves, lest they face their impending doom.
1. Chapter 1

A girl emerged from out of the forest, her face gleaming with sweat, which identified that she had been, in fact, doing something crazy. Upon closer scrutiny, one could see that she was clad in a light blue t-shirt, a dark pink skirt, and an odd white hat with two little stubs. She was the free-spirited adventurer known as Tess.

Tess appeared to be just another typical teenager in the land of Ooo, except for the fact that she was one of the few known humans that lived there. Today, she was embarking on yet another journey that held quite a deal of importance to her. She was trying to become part of an exclusive league of adventurers known as the Astros, and the tryouts were almost upon her. She had decided to get some last-minute training in this morning before it was time to go. Now, after a long morning of adventures, she was glad to be home.

A giant smile erupted on her face as she entered her tree house. Her feline friend Kat was sitting on her fluffy couch.

"Hey Kitty!" Tess chirped, nodding to Kat in greeting.

"Tess!" Kat pounced on her friend ecstatically. "I've been waiting for you! Let's chill!"

"I'm sorry, Kat, but I don't have a lot of time to hang. I've got to get out of here at noon," Tess said, grudgingly getting to her feet.

"Oh, well that's okay! I wanted to see if you would go to the Candy Kingdom with me."

Kat cuddled against her friend, trying to persuade her.

"Aww man, that sounds fun. But I really need to be somewhere." Tess answered.

"Oh, alright- I suppose there's always tomorrow. You look tired," Kat commented.

"Yeah, I've been up since 6:30," Tess replied.

"Wow, that's early! What did you do?" Kat asked curiously.

"You know, just the stuff I normally do. I walked through a haunted forest, fought the Ice King, boring junk like that. Anyway, what's up with you Kitty?" Tess asked.

"Well, today I was planning on walking on my hind legs, using my thumbs and you know- things that we people do," Kat explained.

"Kat, I support your desire to be human, but you are, in fact, a cat," Tess held up a mirror to her friend.

"No, I'm human! See, I... uck!" Kat spat up a hairball.

"Silly Kat, you _are_ a cat. It's right there in your name!"

"But I don't wanna be a cat! I don't want to have to use a box to go to the bathroom or eat food that comes out of a can. Most of all, I don't want to be covered in this gosh darn fur anymore!"

"Aww, but you're so cute!" Tess rolled Kat over onto her back and started petting her tummy.

"Nnngh, don't patronize m- wait... never mind... I think that I could live with this. A little more to the left? Yeah, that's the stuff! … Ahem, as I was saying, I simply can't live as a walking contradiction all my life. No siree. But the whole tummy rubbing thing... that isn't too bad..."

Tess raised her eyebrows bemusedly.

"So you admit that you at least like one thing about being one then?" She asked slyly.

"Whaa? No! Absolutely not. Now, where did you say you were going?" Kat replied hastily, as to avoid further questioning.

"Riiiight. And I was going to meet the Astros for lunch. They said something about initiation..."

Kat felt as if she was in the middle of one of those rooms with the spotlight shining down upon her directly overhead with Tess being the interrogator. Luckily, she dodged a bullet this time. Still...

"I'd probably fail the lie detector test..." Kat grumbled inaudibly to herself.

Then she perked up, returning to the conversation at hand.

"Oh? That's great! Looks like they're gonna induct you today! Heh, I wonder what they do for pledging... ahem, anyway! Good luck!"

"Thanks! Oh glob, I'm so nervous. I hope that they like me." Tess looked a little shaky, her knobby-eared hat developing a shine from her sweat.

"Hey, don't worry about it! I'm sure you'll do just fine!" Kat said reassuringly, patting her friend on the back.

Tess bit her lip, attempting a confident smile.

"I sure hope so..." She mumbled half-heartedly.

"Welcome, noobs! As you probably already know, we are the Astros- adventurers from outta this world. Assuming that you're here vying for a spot on our esteemed team, please be aware that we only take the best. It is quite possible that none of you will make it through, but on the off chance that some of you could show potential, we encourage you to show us your stuff. If it's compatible with ours, congrats! If not... well, I suppose it isn't the end of the world. Anyway, that's about it. Any questions? … Yes, you there in the funky hat?"

"Yes, um, how can I boost my chances of getting into this club?"

Star Blitz snorted, shaking her head in obvious amusement.

"One cannot, as you say, _boost_ their chance. It is predestined. You're either born to be an Astro or you're simply out of luck. But thank you, I haven't laughed that hard in years."

Those words brought a title wave of uneasiness to Tess' body. She began to pull on the ears of her hat, something that she always did when she was nervous.

"What are you doing? And where did you find that hat of yours? It's ridiculous!"

Tess's worst fears seemed to have been confirmed. She had been singled out already. Tess cast her eyes downward, looking anywhere but Blitz.

"A... friend gave it to me," She replied quietly, remembering the first time she had ever met Finn.


	2. Chapter 2

_One day, she and Kat had been wandering around Ooo in search of adventure._

"_Tess, there's nothing here! Can't I just go home and play with yarn like normal people do?" Kat complained._

"_Cheer up, Kitty! There's bound to be adventure somewhere." Tess reassured her feline sidekick._

_All of a sudden, a boy and a dog came swinging out of a tree. They bounced off Tess before landing next to Kat._

"_Aww nuts, man... I think I hit someone!" Finn yelled._

"_Hey, it's a chick!" Jake noticed._

"_Oh my glob, I hurt a girl," Finn started to freak out._

_Tess got up, brushing herself off. "No, it's cool. See, I'm fine!"_

"_Wow, girl adventurers! Nice, man." Finn offered Tess his fist. She punched it back with force._

"_Sorry we ran into you and junk," Jake added._

"_I already said it was cool, dude. I'm Tess, and this is Kat." Tess introduced._

"_Kat the Cat?" Finn asked, raising his eyebrow._

"_Yeah. My parents weren't very creative." Kat replied sheepishly._

"_It's still a nice name. So, what's up with you peeps?" Jake asked._

"_You know, just doing what adventurers do," Tess answered, waving her hand airily._

"_What bad adventurers do," Kat added._

"_Hey, at least I try! All you want to do is cuddle and play with yarn." Tess shot back._

"_Psht, ridiculous- that's what cats do! I'm a human. We've been over this, Tess."_

"_No, you aren't. I, on the other hand, actually am human."_

"_Wait, you're a human?" Finn asked, his interest obviously piqued._

"_Yeah. There's not many of my kind wandering around anymore. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one left in Ooo." Tess replied with a hint of sadness._

"_I wouldn't be so sure of that... because I'm human too!" Finn proclaimed excitedly._

"_No way, man! I've never met another human before!" Tess exclaimed, clearly astonished._

"_Neither have I. Oh my glob, this is so awesome!" Finn high-fived Tess._

"_This is cool man! I'm glad that the Rainicorns didn't eat all of you." Jake added._

"_I'm just glad that more than one of us survived. With the Raincorns and the Mushroom War, we easily could have gone completely extinct." _

"_We could have. I don't even know what happened to my parents."_

"_Me neither! I was raised by dogs."_

"_Yeah, my parents found him one day in a forest stuck to a leaf," Jake added._

"_So, you guys are like brothers? That's cool. I was raised by Kat's family."_

"_We found her in a guitar case floating down a river. That was a weird day." Kat interjected._

"_Jake and I are brothers! And you guys are like sisters in the same way. It's weird that we were both raised by animals."_

"_Yeah, it's interesting that we kind of have similar stories. Do you ever wonder what happened to your parents?" Tess asked._

"_I do, actually. It's caused me some restless nights." Finn revealed._

"_Me too. If I think about it too much, I start freaking out."_

"_So do I. What are your theories?"_

"_I think that they died in the Mushrooms Wars. I was a year old when they happened. I think that they put me in that guitar case to protect me from the radiation. Somehow, I managed to survive without becoming a mutant."_

"_That's an interesting theory. Personally, I think that my parents just couldn't raise me, so one day they decided to leave me in a forest. I was born two years after those wars ended. I think that they're still alive somewhere out in this world."_

"_Wow, that's so complex. I never thought of anything like that. I never considered that my parents could actually be alive."_

"_Well, you never know. They could just as easily be dead."_

"_This is rad, dude. Two people meet in the woods, find out that they have something major in common, and share depressing theories about the wiping out of an entire race." Jake said._

"_Yeah, this is pretty sweet. Wow, conspiracy theories and deep philosophical thought during an adventure. I've never done that before." Finn replied._

"_Me neither. I find it nice, actually." Tess said, smiling at him._

"_Hey, you know, when we're older, we could help increasing the population of our race," Finn suggested, attempting to give Tess a sultry look._

"_Well, um-" Tess started._

"_Look, I know that I'm four years younger than you, but it would be for the sake of our race! You don't want it to go extinct, do you?"_

"_Well, no, but the thing is that I'm not attracted to males. And I don't think that my girlfriend would like if I did those things with you."_

"_Oh, but, even if you are a lesbian, I still have the same argument,"_

"_That is a pretty valid argument. I'll think about it."_

"_Cool! I'll get back to you in a few years," Finn took off his hat. "I want you to have this. I want us to be bonded in some way, and besides, you look cold."_

_Tess blushed. "Thanks. That's really sweet."_

"_Come on man, you can't give her your hat! You've had that since you were a baby!" Jake argued._

"_It's okay, bro. I have another one at home. Well, we've gotta run now. Maybe we'll run into you some other time."_

"_Bye, Finn. Hopefully, we can adventure together sometime in the future." Tess said, giving Finn an affectionate, but bone-crushing hug._

"Hey, hat girl!" Star Blitz was snapping her fingers in front of Tess's face. "Did you hear anything that I just said?"

"Um... no," Tess didn't realize that she had been spacing out.

"Well, I was explaining to everyone what it takes to be in this club. Can you tell me what the initiation ritual is?"

"I'm afraid I can't. Sorry, I was just... reminiscing." Tess explained.

"Well, we can't have any of that here. You've got to stay focused. You wouldn't want to get lost on an adventure because you were in your own little world, would you? I don't think that you belong in this group."

"But I..."

"No, we simply can't have someone like you in this group. Maybe you can try again when you become less... spacey."

Tess was devastated. She had worked so hard for this, and it was taken away from her, just like that. She didn't even take the time to see the irony of an Astro telling her to be less spacey.

"I... I guess that I'll just leave then."

She pulled her hat over her eyes and ran out of there as fast as she could. The last thing that she needs was for the Astros to see her cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Once she had cleared the area, she hid in a patch of grass under a tree and let it out.

'No, Tess, what are you doing?' She thought to herself. 'Remember what Kat told you: adventurers don't show weakness.'

But she just couldn't help herself. It was her dream to be part of the Astros, and it had been taken away from her, all thanks to her ADD.

Luckily, no one was around to see her cry. That was, of course, until she passed by.

"Are you okay?"

Tess looked up to see a girl with pink hair wearing a fancy dress of a similar shade looking down at her in concern.

"Not exactly. I let myself down today. You see, I was trying to get into this club, and they wouldn't accept me."

"Aww, I'm sorry! You must feel horrible. We can't always be accepted by who we want to be accepted by, and sometimes we do fail ourselves. But that doesn't mean that we're not great people."

"Thanks, you're sweet. I feel pathetic, crying in the woods like this."

"It's okay. We all cry."

"No, but it's adventurer code not to show weakness. At least that's what my friend Kat told me."

"You're an adventurer, huh? By any chance, were you trying to get into the Astros?"

"I was, actually. I think that I'm good enough for them. I just messed up."

"Well, they are very picky. There are other groups out there."

"I know, but they're the best of the best. Maybe I should just work more for it. You don't know anyone that could train me, do you?"

"Hmm, I believe that Finn could help you out, perhaps..."

Tess's ears pricked up at the mentioning of that name. "Wait, you know Finn?"

"Yeah, he's my friend. I'm guessing that he gave you that hat. How do you know him?"

"Yeah, he did. I've met him a couple of times before. Did he ever mention anybody named Tess?"

"No, I'm sorry. If he did, I guess that I was too busy ruling the Candy Kingdom to realize what he said."

Tess came to the realization of who she was.

"Wait, you're Princess Bubblegum?"

"Yeah, haven't you seen me around before? You do live in Ooo, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know who you are, of course. You just look different in pictures, I guess."

'So, this is the girl that messed Marcy up. She doesn't seem that bad in person.' Tess thought, thinking of her girlfriend.

"How could I look different in pictures? How many other people in Ooo have long hair made of bubblegum?"

"Um, not many, I'm guessing. My brain was probably too clogged up with sadness before to see who you really were. I'm not very observant."

'Oh glob, this is bad. Of course it's Princess Bubblegum! What's wrong with you? Just act cool, man.' Tess thought to herself again.

"Okay then. But anyway, it's nice to meet you, Tess."

"It's nice to meet you too, Princess. Wow, I feel honored, meeting royalty like this. And before, I was lying. Of course I've seen you before. Do you think I live under a rock? No, I live in a tree! Anyway, your hair looks delicious." Tess's mind was wandering.

"Are you okay? You seem kind of jumpy."

"Yeah, I'm alright. Like I said, I had a bad day today. My mind isn't usually this all over the place."

"Well, regardless, you still seem like a pretty cool girl. Maybe we could hang out sometime?"

"Maybe we could. Kat always wants to go to the Candy Kingdom, so maybe I'll catch you around sometime."

"That would be nice. Anyway, I've got to get back to my lab. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Bubblegum. Hey, thanks. You made me feel a lot better."

The princess smiled sweetly in return.

"It was no problem. Like I said, we all cry. Some of us are better at maintaining our composure, but one factor always remains constant- everyone needs someone to just be there for them sometimes."

Bubblegum took a step forward before facing Tess again, as if in afterthought.

" … Oh, and I honestly think that you'd be better off without the Astros. They aren't very... ahh, supportive. But good luck with whatever you decide to do!"

And with that, she turned to leave. Tess watched Her Royal Pinkness until she disappeared from sight, while mulling over her final words.

"Maybe she's right..." Tess whispered thoughtfully to herself. "Perhaps I should get someone else's opinion on the matter. I'll just ask Kat what she thinks once I get home."

When she got home, Kat was waiting for her by the door. "So, how did it go? Am I looking at the newest member of the Astros?"

Tess took a deep breath. "Kat, I... I didn't make it,"

Kat cuddled up against her friend. "Aww, honey. What happened? Did something go wrong in your tryout?"

"No, I didn't even get to try out. While Star Blitz was explaining the initiation ritual, I spaced out. They didn't even give me a chance to explain myself."

"They can't do that to you! Everybody deserves a chance. Come on, let's go back there. I can help convince them that you belong there."

"No, Kat, I-," Tess started.

"Don't say anything. You've worked so hard for this. They can't just take it away from you!"

Tess sighed. "You're right. Thanks."

"Anytime! You're my best friend. It's my duty to stand up for you. Now, I was prepared for you to say that you had made it, so there's cake inside."

"It's okay. Cake will help me feel better anyway."

Kat brandished her fork, tossing one to Tess.

"Let's eat DEM FEELS," She bellowed as she charged into battle, sending frosting fiends flying left and right.


	4. Chapter 4

Tess woke up the next morning to Kat jumping on her stomach.

"Kat, what are you doing?" Tess groaned.

"I'm just excited! Today's the day that we go back to the Astros!" Kat announced enthusiastically.

Tess gave her feline friend a look of uncertainty. "Today?"

"Yes, today! Why, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, I guess,"

Kat could tell that Tess's answer was false. "Tell the truth,"

"Should I really try out again today? I mean, my failure just happened yesterday."

"Yes, you should! Just because you couldn't listen doesn't mean that you're a bad adventurer. You kick butt, Tess."

"Thanks. But still, they never got around to asking what my name is."

"Who cares? What's in a name, anyway? It doesn't define you... on the contrary, it's _you_ who define it. You're a very strong and caring person. Not to mention, SAAA-MOKING hot. I mean, girl, you've got it going on! If they don't like you, then they're the one with the problem."

"Thanks Kat. You're the best friend that I could ask for." Tess hugged her furry friend.

"You're welcome. Come on, there's leftover cake for breakfast!"

As Tess approached the Astros's clubhouse, she began to have doubts. "Kat... I can't do this."

"No, Tess, I won't let you doubt yourself! You can do it! You're going to go in there, and you're going to blow their minds! Now, I help you tell them what you want. But after that, I'll have to leave you on your own. Will you be okay by yourself?"

Tess took a deep breath. "I think so. I know that I suck at being assertive. But it's something that I have to do."

Kat nuzzled up against Tess. "You'll be great."

A giant lump formed in Tess's throat as she entered the clubhouse. The four Astros were sitting at a round table in the middle of the room. They shot disgusted stares in the two new arrivals' direction as they approached.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want?" Comet asked as he glanced over them, yawning purposely.

"Okay, you listen and you listen well: give my friend another chance. Yes, I know that she messed up, but please, just see what she can do." Kat said briskly in a reasonable tone.

"And why on Earth would we want to do that?"

"Because she's amazing. Come on Tess, show them what you've got!"

Tess, quivering with nervousness, broke into her routine of punches and kicks. She used tables to demonstrate her amazing leaping skills. She finished by doing a back-flip off of a chair.

One by one, the Astros broke off into slow claps.

"I must admit, I found that impressive. What do you think, Star? Should she be one of us?" Cobra asked his leader.

"That was one of the best demonstrations that I've ever seen. You're in. But you can't space out, or you'll be gone before I can snap my fingers. Got it?"

Tess's face lit up. "Yes, yes, I understand! Thank you so much! You won't regret this!"

"I hope that we don't. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to have to ask your cat friend to leave the room."

"Um, okay. I was going to split anyways. I'll see you later, Tess."

Once Kat was gone, the small smiles that had developed on their faces fell off. "Look kid, you've got to cut the act,"

"Wh-what act?" Tess wasn't sure what she was being accused of.

"The whole 'being nice' thing. Drop it."

"I'm not acting. I-,"

"Do you want to be in this group or not? To fit in here, you're going to have to grow a spine and be aggressive. Nice people never get anywhere in this world."

Tess wasn't sure of what she should day. She didn't know how to not be nice. "Of course I want to be in this group! I just don't like hurting people's feelings."

Star Blitz rolled her eyes. "Oh my glob, shut up! We're going to meet here tomorrow. And I better not see any of this caring, sensitive junk again."

Tess left without saying a word. She didn't want to risk further damage towards herself. Kat was waiting for her at the end of the road.

"So, how did the rest of your meeting go?"

"It went well. Everything's good. I'm going to head over to Marceline's. I'll catch up with you later." Tess was trying to act distant towards her best friend in an attempt to act less nice.

"That sounds great! I want a complete account of what happened later. Tell Marcy that I said hi!" Kat gave her Tess a hug, which she responded to coldly. Kat gave Tess a confused look before bouncing off towards the woods.

Waves of feels began to flow through Tess's body. Giant lumps began to form in her throat. She had never felt worse in her life. 'How could I treat her like that?' she thought to herself. 'If this is what being mean feel like, then I don't want to do it.'


	5. Chapter 5

As Tess make her trek to her girlfriend's house, all she could think about was what she had to do.

'I can't be spineless anymore. I have to start being more hostile. But, I can't just treat people like dirt.'

The leaves crunched under her as she walked. This was agony. She couldn't let herself be weak.

'No, I should be treating people like dirt! That's what being mean is all about. Now, what's something mean that I could do right now?'

She noticed a puppy whimpering at the edge of a clearing. Naturally, her heart sank.

'No, that's not sad. It's funny. Sad dogs are hilarious. I should go over there and kick it. That would only heighten the awesomeness of this scenario.'

Without thinking things through, she charged towards the young pup and kicked it with a swift force. The dog cried out in excruciating pain.

Tess snapped back into reality. "Oh my glob, what did I just do? Only someone completely heartless would hurt a dog! I'm sorry, little buddy! I wasn't thinking straight." On the borderline of tears, she brought the puppy close to her body.

'Dang it! I couldn't even hurt a fly if I wanted to.'

She took her first aid kit out of her bag. She put a healing remedy on the spot where she had kicked the puppy. She dug into her bag and found the dog treats that she stashed there. She gingerly patted the puppy on the head as she fed them to him.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. Do you feel better?"

"It still really hurts, but I think that I'll be okay. Thank you, Miss. You're so kind." The puppy cooed.

Once the puppy was gone, Tess took the kit and threw it in the woods. If she wanted to be mean, she had to be selfish.

'Jeez, I'm bipolar today. I've got to find my mean attitude and stick to it. Maybe Marceline can help me with that.'

When she got to her girlfriend's house, the weird feeling that she had been having was replaced with feelings of euphoria. She creeped up on Marceline and hugged her from behind. "Hey baby. I've missed you."

"Tess, where the heck have you been? I haven't seen you in days!" Marceline turned around and gave her girlfriend a proper hug. She picked her up and floated them onto her couch.

"I've been quite busy, actually. My tryout for the Astros was yesterday." Tess lay her head on Marceline's lap and had her stroke her hair.

"Oh my glob, that's right! How did it go?"

"Well, I messed up at first. But, Kat helped me fix things. You're looking at the newest member of the Astros!"

"Wow, that's totally rad! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks, love. It's going to take up a lot of time, so I'll won't be around as much anymore."

"Oh, well, that's okay! At least you'll be off doing something awesome."

"I sure hope so," Tess said dully.

Marceline raised her eyebrow. "Are you okay? You don't seem like yourself. You're less cheery than you usually are."

"I don't know. The Astros say that in order to stay in their group, I have to stop acting so nice. I don't know if I can do that."

"But why would you want to do that? It's not like you're overly, sugary nice or anything."

"To stay in the group, I guess. But I don't want to be fake. And speaking of sugary things, I ran into Bubblegum yesterday."

Marceline stopped stroking her hair for a second, shocked by this news. "Did you really?"

"Yeah, I saw her in the woods, right after I failed to pay attention during the Astros meeting. I was crying, and she helped comfort me."

"Oh, wow. You didn't tell her that you knew me, did you?"

"No. At first, my brain wasn't working, so I acted like I didn't know who she was. But, she still wants me to hang out with her."

Marceline rolled her eyes. "That's Bonnie for you. She wants to be friends with everyone in her beloved little kingdom. You can still hang out with her if you want. Even though she's my ex-girlfriend, I trust you enough to know that you wouldn't cheat on me with her. Plus, she's so nice, and being around her is like therapy for your soul."

"Okay, I'll hang out with her if she asks. But, there is such a thing as being too nice. Besides, I'm trying to become meaner, not nicer."

"You have a point there. I can help you with the meanness thing."

"Thanks, Marcy. I really have to impressive them. But honestly, you seem more evil than mean."

"Tess, you'll do fine! Evil is a form of meanness, so I can work from there. But, with this whole Astros thing: I'm fine with you being assertive. Just don't turn into a jerk, okay?"

"I won't. I would feel too guilty about the way that I would be treating people anyways."

Marceline held out her pinky. "Do you promise?"

Tess grasped it with force. "I promise."

Marceline leaned in and passionately kissed her. "It was great to hang out with you, but I've gotta head back to the Nightosphere. My dad wants me to do stupid junk with him."

"Ah dang it! I wish that we had more time to spend together. You're so cute."

"We can have more time to spend together! Just don't wait four more days until you come back here! I miss you!"

"I miss you too! I'll try to come everyday after my Astros meetings."

"You better! I'm holding you to that. Now, before you go, let's fly!"

Marceline picked Tess up and flew them outside. They were so high off the ground that it looked like all of Ooo was in their view. The wind cascaded through her long blonde hair and caused it to dance in various directions. It was ironic that a dead girl could make her feel that alive. Marceline left Tess at the top of a small tree. She jumped down to the base of the tree and cast a portal spell against the trunk.

"Bye Tess! I'll catch you later."

Before Marcy could go, there was something that Tess needed to say. "Wait, Marceline! There's something I've been meaning to tell you!"

"What is it? Come on, I don't have that much time left!"

"I... I love you," Tess choked out.

Marceline smiled. "I love you too,"

Marcy jumped into the portal and was transported into another world. Tess had never felt so amazing. This was the perfect way to end her afternoon.


End file.
